Unusual conversations

I'm not quite sure why I never foresaw that I would have to have the following conversation with my daughter at some point, but I never did consider it.

Kiera: Mummy, what's it like in prison?
Me: Erm... well... did I ever tell you that Daddy was in prison once?
Kiera - with a look on her face equalling the 'expectant gossip' face of my friendly and chatty hairdresser when presented with some fascinating new snippet - NO! Really?!
Me: Yes, before I met him.
Kiera: Why did they put him in there?
Me: Erm.. well... he had some tablets on him that he shouldn't have done and he went into an office where he didn't work anymore (all true to a fashion)
Kiera: Oh. Right. Okay (returns to watching TV).

It's almost as cringeworthy as when she recently exited my en-suite bathroom with my vibrator in hand asking inquisitively, "What's this?"

I'm all for telling children the truth. I faced it recently when my ex-husband sent me a warning text that Kiera had asked him what men did when women had babies. Naturally, we both assumed the worst with this question, but after braving myself for it, I approached her and found out that she meant when the ladies were birthing the babies, not making them. I got off lightly that time.

I couldn't find anyway of dealing with the vibrator issue. Sex is one thing, but masturbation? She's only six! A mother can only take honesty so far. I told her that I couldn't tell her what that phallic object was right now and that I would tell her when she was old enough to understand. Naturally I took it off her at that point and swore under my breath to purchase a nice locked box to keep under my bed. I can only pray that she didn't then ask either her father or her stepmother what nice gadget Mummy had in her bedroom. I've not detected a knowing or pitying look on their face just yet so fingers crossed.

Today's question was, "Why are there people on the planet?" Easy philosophical meanderings followed, mutterings about God, the bible and Adam and Eve followed by much talk of fishes that walk on land and turn into apes then men and women. I finished by telling her that 'why are there people on the planet' is a question that everyone has to answer for themselves.

I can only imagine that all of the questions from here on in get more complicated to answer.